Archives for: May 2011

Trust

05/22/11 | by Shareen [mail] | Categories: downtown girls

I felt pain settle over me this morning when I woke.
It comes like the fog.
Settles over my city and shuts down the airport.
All day, I felt tired and off.
I had a small voice, poor vision and my skies were grey.
Only tonight walking in the dark do I realize the
message in clouds so full of missing and need.

Sometimes we miss what we have never had.

I am tired of being the man in my life.
I want a strong hand on my back and a
safe harbor in which to rest.
I am strong.
I am.
And I can manage a lot.
And I do.
I care for many.
And for myself too.
But I don’t want to be the man in my life any more.
Even the strongest vessel is in need of a captain.
I know God is there. I feel his hand in my life
so firmly.
And I am grateful beyond measure.
But my love for God leaves me lonely too.

We must make friends with our sadness.
Pain is a messenger.
I look for keys to open the way to my heart.
Tonight for reasons I don’t know I am occupied with
a thought of the back of little Boom Boom, Indira’s
new puppy, as she tried to wiggle down the stairs.
So small and off balance.
And I think on Bug and Doodle and Petunia, my
kittens, away from me now and with JD.
I miss them so much.
And the tears come and I know, I too feel vulnerable.

I am grateful to feel safe in the rain.
Spilling tears is good.
Better than any facelift and more healing than
any antioxidant.

When it comes down upon you, go there.

Cry your heart out.
Lay down and sob and curl up in a ball and sob
some more.
Cry until it is all spilled out of you.
Life is hard. Love is hard.
Fill up your clouds and let the pain rain down,
and out and into the sea.

Trust nature to show you what will come next.
Clear skies.
The ability to see into the distance.
Bright light on all.
Silence and stillness and a fresh
smell of growth in the air.

Joy

05/11/11 | by Shareen [mail] | Categories: downtown girls

I value writing to you all so much.
But my thoughts these days are disjointed.
I think to share on Joy and my awareness that all that you
will ever want will be born out of this energy.
I am thinking that Joy is our hottest commodity and that it is the secret to youth.
Protect your joy. Nourish it.
Give it away freely and only hang with those that give it back.
I am thinking on the expression “He is my man” and what that really means.
To me it means that he is my man. The man I would be if I were a man.
It’s an interesting exploration.
Would you be macho, or sensitive? Would you be an artist or an executive?
Would you be generous, stingy, thoughtful, arrogant?
How would you treat a woman if you were a man?
I am defining my man. And when that definition is written in my soul he will
manifest in the flesh.
Can’t wait to meet him.
The man I would be will be amazing.
I can tell you for sure, he will take me in his arms to dance.
He will be a mad romantic and a passionate entrepreneur.
He will care more for others than for himself but he will care most of all for me.
He will know that his woman is the source of his joy and he will know to feed her
will be to nourish his dreams.
Finally, I am thinking about texting and the insanity of it’s over use. As a woman
just dating again after 8 years, can I just say, um, what happened to phone calls!

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