Archives for: April 2012

FAITH

04/08/12 | by Shareen [mail] | Categories: downtown girls

I found the last piece of my heart today.
It was hiding under the couch.
I had been on my knees looking for weeks.

I had searched the floor, under the chairs,
under the bar, at the door, under the table,
but it was no where to be seen.

I woke one morning and thought
to lift the book shelf and all the pillows.
Perhaps it had landed there, that last little piece.
No.

The shattering had scattered so many sharp little pieces across the floor.
It took weeks to gather them back together.
No paint by numbers this heart of mine.
I picked them up each one by one and studied them.
I turned them this way and that, gently placing them
edge to edge, finally holding them there with my love.

Painstaking work.
Valuable.
The heart tells a story.
So many ah ha’s as I saw the messages
appearing and
for the first time I began to understand
who I am
And what I have done
for love
and what I had done in fear.

I struggled to place pieces together and
only when I didn’t fight against them did
they connect truly.
I tried to hold them with the glue of my anger
but by days end they would be loose yet again.

Only love worked to hold them.
This the greatest benefit of a broken heart.
You cannot change the story,
but you will love it back together again.

And then to be left with just one piece missing.

On one side of this gaping hole was an F.
And on the edge of the other a TH.
The space between them, a cavern.

What was the story there to know?
What part was missing?

I stopped sleeping through the night.
I refused invitations to go out.
I scoured the place.
I began to look in even the most unlikely dark spots.
No matter where I was my mind was still in search.
F……………………TH
I have never been good at crossword puzzles.

Finally, one night I got on my knees and
when that produced nothing, I got on my belly.
I lay face down on the floor and cried.
And when the storm passed, it was quiet.
I found myself staring into the dark
and under the couch.
I stared hard and clear.
I saw something glittering.
I stretched out my arm as long as I could make it.

I reached and reached again,
longer and longer,
and finally the tips of my fingers
found it’s edge.
And as I drew it close, I gasped.
Oh,
There on its face
The letter A and the letter I.
Wholeness came in the word faith.

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