Acceptance

Acceptance

01/16/15 | by Shareen [mail] | Categories: downtown girls

The bar in Cambridge,
blues and greens
as preppies like
But he was Portuguese
Sexy man
Who taught me about freedom
We shared a love of the truth
His Pulitzer
My business
Our hearts lived
Apart and at a great
And comfortable
distance

And his first kiss on
Valleyheart
When he argued
For his limitations
Daring me to love
Him anyway
Nine years later,
three cats
and laughter
I’d dared
And lost
The argument.
Friendship
Now
Trumps all

And the intense stare
across the theatre
Eyes locked
A slow, understated
Approach
I thought was sexy
Only to find
he was just depressed
The black jaguar
The penthouse
And me
Sitting
Patiently
Beside sadness

And how I lost
three years there
which weren’t as fun
as three years lost
in a trailer park
along side him
in the pick up
Marlboro reds
and flamingoes.
Real, sexy years of tequila
And jerkey, Montana and shooting ranges
He had a glock
Under his pillow
We’d have been ok anywhere

And then there was Yale
And the Olympics
And shells on the Thames
And the river Charles
A green Porsche
and the secret society
His book
My glamorous job
Endless betrayals
his with others
mine
by absentia

And he had a lisp
and was a valet
and loved me like
No other and
I wanted to make him
my Pygmalion
and I could have
If only
We hadn’t lost a child

And one I distrusted
hypnotized me
And another
dying to love me
left me dying to be free.
And one I adore
Is out of reach.

Finally, I look
Back to my father
And wonder why,
he hurt me so.
No sympathy requested
No complaint here stated.

As I lay dying
I read the swords
(Like on the tarot card)
Betrayal,
Compromise
Confiscated
Robbed
Raped
Cheated
Liar
Loss
Absent
And finally,
The last
So what.

I saw him
The other night
Resurrected
in a golden orb
His face shone
With a gentle pride
At me.

“I did it
all because
I loved you
And your
triumph is
My job
well done.”

I may be late
To the library,
to the party
To discover
Wiki
I may be late
to You tube
And behind
In the polls
But I am not
surrendered in pain
I am triumphant with
Understanding

I am “it”

And “no"is my best
friend
And “yes” is its great cousin

How might I
Find my man
Until I know
The man in me?
She who asserts
And discerns,
Establishes boundaries
Is on her side
And behalf.
She who fights for her best
And takes no prisoners.
She who knows
Her worth
And protects it
With ferocity
She who would be him
if he were to arrive as me
Man.
Mine.

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